You can’t say you can’t play. I picked up Ms. Paley at first because I wanted to feel that I was accomplishing something on our endless list of readings, then finished it in one night so that I would have the opportunity to read it again before we were done with it.

At first I thought it was a lightweight read, and the magpie fairy tale was annoying… yes, annoying. I needed to get something done and those italics were bothersome and the story didn’t seem to be going anywhere. As I read, I began to look forward to the pages that began again to spin the tale of friendship and trust, of taking chances and changing everything.
Magpie, Prince Kareem and Alexandra caught my fancy, but it was Beatrix that I rooted for. I wanted her to do the right thing, to save the world (and Raymond’s Father) but I didn’t want her to lose what made her different; she wasn’t a princess.

Not blond. Not petite. Not well-mannered. Not nice, sometimes. Not patient or thoughtful or particularly pretty. But she was smart, and she could think through strategy. She was brave, and loyal. Controlling, yes. Evil, no. Beatrix was her own person, not some milk-toast princess with a pointy hat and a penchant for rainbows and unicorns.


At first I was confused that she wanted to be invited to tea. She wanted into the inner circle, wanted to be with the princess’. I thought at first that she would then start attending school and doing good deeds, but she was not going to trade friendship for who she was inside. She didn’t like sharing and wasn’t willing to give up her evil ways just to drink tea with the popular crowd. Can you tell that I liked her immensely? She changed some small habits, added friendship to her definition of who she was and played by society’s rules when she was with society. Interesting though, that both princess’ thought that Beatrix’s skills would be useful when teamed up with Raymond in the quest to save his father. It was okay with them that she was a witch, that she continued to be a witch and although she mostly played nice with them she made no attempts to cut off her “naughty” or “bad” habits. She even says to Raymond “Now, listen to me. Always do your mischief on purpose because no one believes you if you say it’s an accident.” To me, she seemed to be saying that you should accept who you are and move forward, but if you want to shed lonliness and have real friends you need to follow those rules and boundaries too.


Much like Lisa in Ms. Paley’s classroom, Beatrix was willing to accept the rules and boundaries of play once they were indelible. Talking was talking; rules were rules.
Ms. Paley sought to make a difference in the 200 year old habit of play, acceptance and rejection within her classroom. She allowed the children to have a voice in the new order, but I noticed that she led the discussion with her questions and comments too, and this was not a democratic vote but a complete coup in the name of those that become strangers in their own school.


The have-nots, the lonely ones, the second rate. Sometimes it made me so uncomfortable to hear what the children had to say in each grade, right in front of the kids that they did not want to play with. And I remember our rule that you ran to the other side of the playground as soon as recess started if that was a playing house day; because Shelby would not run after us. Eventually Shelby did find a group of kids to call friends. Eventually means 5th or 6th grade… that is a lot of years of not remembering if she had anyone to play with.


I remember plenty of rejections too. That incredibly mean girl Julie that would convince the other kids to hide from me until I went home in defeat, or to play tag until I gave up because I just couldn’t tag anyone… I was the slowest runner. I don’t think she was any happier for keeping people out, and I look back at her childhood and see many red flags in her home that would give rise to a list of recommendations in any report I wrote now. I wonder how she turned out, and what she tells her kids now?


I know what I tell mine, and it is the same hypocritical stance that I intend to take with boys, alcohol etc… do as I say and not how I did. “It’s not kind to leave someone out. How does that make them feel? How would you feel if that was you? It won’t hurt you to include them.” But they know, just as kids have always known, that it is unsafe to champion the friendless one. Like a drowning swimmer they may cling to you until you both go down.


I want them to be brave. And thoughtful. I want them to care about kids that don’t have calls and texts for play-dates. It breaks my heart when they are hurt; when Nik was told by the kindergarten kingpin that if he wanted to play he had to be the bad guy… every time. He still loves that kid, and I still breathe deeply whenever his name comes up.
Inclusion is worthy of a novel. Worthy of a fairy tale and worthy of a rule.

Maybe the public schools can care that much, change that much and erase that much pain… maybe this isn’t just for the University of Chicago laboratory schools.